Counterfeit Monkey — 137 of 292

Emily Short

Release 6

Section 4 - Department Office

The Language Studies Department Office is southeast of Samuel Johnson Hall.

"This big, slightly drab area holds such useful objects as the [mailboxes] and [secretary's computer]. On ordinary days the secretary would be in as well, presiding over affairs. The offices of individual professors lie [north] and [west][if Higgate's office door is closed and office-door-1 is closed], though both doors are closed[otherwise if Higgate's office door is closed], though the west door is closed[otherwise if office-door-1 is closed], though the north door is closed[end if]."

The introduction is "This corner office was won in a battle of wills with several other departments during the most recent rebuilding drive. Professor Waterstone is fond of reminding the others that he was the one to obtain this fav[our]able position whenever there is a disagreement about procedure."

Rule for listing exits when looking in the Language Studies Department Office:

do nothing instead.

The Language Studies Department Office contains some mailboxes and a u-shaped desk. The u-shaped desk is a desk. On the u-shaped desk is a desktop computer called the secretary's computer.

Instead of waving the letter-remover at the u-shaped desk when the current setting of the letter-remover is "u":

say "It's not going to make a nothing-shaped desk. What would that even be? Shapeless?"

The language studies department office is indoors.

The description of the u-shaped desk is "Formidable in size, but even that is not enough to support all of the things that the secretarial staff need to keep track of."

Does the player mean doing something with the secretary's computer:

it is very likely.

The description of the secretary's computer is "One of many beige boxes hooked into the university's main system." The secretary's computer is scenery.

The secretary's computer runs a password lock program called secretary's security.

The password of secretary's security is "brownishott".

The secretary's computer runs a search engine called a browser.

The data table of the browser is Table of Searchable Information.

The description of the browser is usually "A browser comes up, with a search box for accessing departmental information."

Table of Searchable Information

"waterstone/professor" or "professor waterstone""Waterstone's homepage""Professor Waterstone's webpage contains his CV (long) and a list of his future speaking engagements, including one set for tomorrow on homonym shame."
"higgate/professor" or "professor higgate""Higgate's homepage""Professor Higgate's homepage is illustrated by a picture of herself smiling enigmatically out in the university oval, followed by links for various courses she teaches, such as Interlingua and Advanced Klingon Certification. There is also a long bit praising the value of learning constructed languages, and a scanned copy of her Bureau stamp of certification to use and teach non-English tongues."
"brown/professor" or "professor brown""Brown's homepage""Professor Brown's homepage describes an assortment of personal interests I very much doubt he has time to pursue (such as salsa dancing) before delving into an impenetrable description of his research aims and goals."
"professor/downdweller" or "professor downdweller""Downdweller's homepage""Professor Downdweller's homepage is illustrated extensively with pictures of himself engaged in cheery undergraduate games such as three-legged races and squid fry-ups at the shore."
"professor/spout" or "professor spout""Spout's homepage""Professor Spout's homepage is just a stub supplied by the university tech services department. It appears that Spout has never seen a value in populating it, so it still contains the university crest and not much else."
"academic/calendar" or "academic calendar""academic calendar""The calendar lists upcoming events for the rest of the term, dates and times of finals, and similar information that I will never need again."
"student/students/roster/rosters/class/classes/courses""rosters""The secretary has access to all the rosters of all students enrolled in any department class, together with add/drop history. This reveals that Professor Brown's large Abstractions 101 course has bled steadily and is now at about half its original enrollment, while Higgate is able to command a small but loyal stream of people taking Advanced Klingon Certification as an independent study."
"Interlingua""Interlingua""It appears that the upcoming Interlingua course is going to be very healthily enrolled."
"Abstractions 101" or "abstractions" or "abstractions class""Abstractions 101""The syllabus for Abstractions 101 always assigns 250 pages of prolegomena in Week One. A review of previous versions of the syllabus shows that this has been the case for the last several years, and that the only thing that changes each year is the length of the Instructor's Note, offering a tetchy explanation of why students lacking this background will be ill-equipped to make the most of the course."
"Advanced Klingon Certification" or "klingon/certification" or "advanced klingon""Advanced Klingon Certification""Little information is available here, since Higgate uses few conventional books and relies heavily on handouts and exercises of her own devising, necessarily distributed under seal only to those students who have legal authority to enroll in the course."
"faculty/list/staff/teaching/teachers/teacher" or "faculty/staff/teacher/teachers list""faculty list""The faculty list for the department mentions professors Higgate, Waterstone, and Brown, as well as Professor Lamplighter (Emeritus), Professor Spout (has been a dean for three years and hasn't taught during that time), and Professor Downdweller (crosslisted with Economics, has offices in that department).

Many courses are taught by graduate students, but these are naturally not listed on the faculty page."
"research/overview" or "research overview" "research overview""The overview page merely mentions that cutting edge research is being carried forth by professors Brown, Higgate, and Waterstone, and invites the reader to visit their personal pages (naturally not linked)."
"graduate students/student""graduate student roster""This brings up a scrolling list of graduate students together with enrollment status, but does not actually reveal their grades or transcripts."

[Instead of switching on the secretary's computer:

say "We'd need the secretarial password to log in, and I don't know it. And Waterstone is a tyrant about not letting people write passwords down [--] he has actually sincerely fired an admin worker for doing so in the past [--] so don't even think it." ]

Instead of taking the secretary's computer:

say "I understand that theft is more or less your way of life, but please hold back this once."

Before writing a paragraph about something when the u-shaped desk is in the location:

now the u-shaped desk is mentioned. [We want "the u-shaped desk" not "a u-shaped desk" or worse "an u-shaped desk".]

The department printer is a device on the u-shaped desk. It is fixed in place. The description is "The networked [printer] handles output for all the computers in the department. [printer indicator]."

Understand "lights" or "indicator" as the department printer.

The printed name is "printer".

The department printer is switched on.

The introduction is "The use of just one printer sometimes leads to annoying clashes when one person is printing off, say, the draft of a small monograph when someone else wants to make up quizzes for class. But Waterstone insists that it's not worth spending department money on another printer when those funds could go to faculty development grants."

Instead of taking the department printer:

say "It would be a heavy thing to carry around, and I don't see much use for it elsewhere."

Rule for writing a paragraph about the department printer:

say "[The department printer] also sits on [the u-shaped desk]. [run paragraph on]";

now the output tray is referenced by the current-paragraph;

now the paper-drawer is referenced by the current-paragraph;

if the paper-drawer is open:

say "[The paper-drawer] stands open[if the paper-drawer is not surprising]. [end if][run paragraph on]";

while a surprising thing (called second special-target) is referenced by the current-paragraph:

carry out the disclosing contents activity with the second special-target;

now every thing contained by the second special-target is mentioned;

now every thing supported by the second special-target is mentioned;

now every thing held by the second special-target is mentioned;

now every thing which is part of the second special-target is mentioned;

now held-break is true;

if held-break is true:

say "[run paragraph on]";


say line break.

Rule for disclosing contents of the paper-drawer:

change the current-subject to paper-drawer;

say ", revealing [a list of mentionable things in the paper-drawer]. [run paragraph on]".

After examining the department printer:

if the paper-drawer is closed:

say "The paper drawer is closed.";


try searching the paper-drawer;

try searching the output tray.

Before printing the name of the paper-drawer while searching the paper-drawer:

say "open "

Instead of putting something on the department printer:

try putting the noun on the output tray.

Instead of inserting something into the department printer:

try inserting the noun into the paper-drawer.

Instead of closing the department printer:

try closing the paper-drawer.

Instead of opening the department printer:

try opening the paper-drawer.

Before inserting something into the paper-drawer when the paper-drawer is closed:

try opening the paper-drawer.

[Procedural rule while examining the department printer:

ignore the examine described devices rule. ]

A printer mode is a kind of value. The printer modes are not-on, standby, ready, and out of paper.

A paper-drawer is part of the department printer. The paper-drawer is a container. It is closed and openable and privately-named. The printed name is "paper drawer". Understand "paper-drawer" or "paper drawer" or "drawer" or "clamps" or "clamp" or "plastic clamps" as the paper-drawer. The description is "The paper-drawer slides neatly in (or out) of the body of the printer, and is deep enough to hold a multi-inch stack of fresh paper. A small catch secures it from being carelessly opened[if the paper-drawer is open and the paper-drawer is empty]. Some plastic clamps hold the pages in place inside, when there are any[end if]." Understand "catch" as the paper-drawer.

Instead of pushing or pulling the paper-drawer:

if the paper-drawer is open:

try closing the paper-drawer;


try opening the paper-drawer.

An output tray is part of the department printer. It is a supporter. The description of the output tray is "In molded plastic, it is an integral part of the printer body[if something is on the output tray]. Currently there [is-are a list of things on the output tray] on the tray, waiting for the owner to come collect[end if]."

Report inserting the ream into the paper-drawer:

say "The ream fits exactly into the depth of the drawer. [You] adjust the plastic clamps that hold pages in place until everything is snug." instead.

Report closing the paper-drawer:

say "The paper-drawer slides back into place with a click." instead.

Report opening the paper-drawer:

say "[You] pull up on the little catch and draw the drawer out[if something is in the paper-drawer], revealing [a list of things which are in the paper-drawer][otherwise]. It's empty[end if]." instead.

Instead of putting something on the output tray:

say "It's probably a bad idea to risk jamming the output tray by putting random things onto it."

Instead of putting something fluid on the output tray:

say "Now that's just vandalism."

Test paper-bug with "tutorial off / shutoffice / wave c-remover at cream / open paper-drawer / put ream in drawer / close drawer / z / open drawer / x paper" holding the cream in the Department office.

A draft document is a thing. Understand "pages" or "speech" or "talk" or "asterisks" as the draft document. [Understand "paper" as the draft document when the paper is not visible.] The description is "It's fifteen pages double-spaced, and appears to be the draft of a talk Professor Waterstone is preparing to give at a convention. I immediately notice, however, that several portions of the speech are marked with angry triple asterisks [--] Waterstone's way of marking up parts of text that need serious revision.

The talk concerns 'homonym shame': the anxiety felt in the Victorian era, and still manifested at times in modern culture, about objects that shared the same name as (and therefore theoretically might be converted into) something rude. Methods of disguising the legs of pianos and crotches of trees occupy a good portion of Waterstone's exposition, and there is a page-long aside on methods of making sure that donkeys are known by that name and not by the alternative.

To judge, however, from the angry asterisking, Waterstone is still looking for at least one more example of an object susceptible to double-entendre that has been successfully rendered innocent by some linguistic modification."

The draft document can be pending. The draft document is not pending.

Every turn when the draft document is pending and the current printer mode is ready:

move the draft document to the output tray;

now the draft document is not pending;

move the single ream to the repository;

move the blank-paper to the paper-drawer;

say "The printer whirs as though clearing its throat, and then begins to spit pages rapidly into the output tray."

To say printer indicator:

if the current printer mode is:

-- not-on:

say "All the indicator lights are dark";

-- standby:

say "The indicator lights glow amber for standby mode";

-- out of paper:

say "The indicator lights glow red to indicate that the paper-drawer is empty";

-- ready:

say "The indicator lights glow green with readiness";

if the draft document is pending and the printer mode is not not-on:

say ". An additional light indicates that some document is in the queue to print and is waiting for the printer to [if the current printer mode is not ready]be ready[otherwise]start, which should happen any minute[end if]"

To decide what printer mode is the current printer mode:

if the department printer is switched off:

decide on not-on;

if the paper-drawer is open:

decide on standby;

if the number of things in the paper-drawer is zero:

decide on out of paper;

decide on ready.

Report switching on the printer:

say "[You] switch the printer on. The lights all come on and flash a few times while it warms itself up. Then things settle down. [printer indicator]." instead.

Sanity-check writing the topic understood on the blank-paper:

say "Writing on the paper would ruin it for the printer." instead.

A blank-paper is a thing. The printed name is "blank paper". Understand "blank paper" or "blank" or "paper" as the blank-paper. The indefinite article is "some". The description is "Having lost a few pages, there is no longer a ream, but there's still enough here to keep the printer going for a while." Understand "pages" as the blank-paper.

Instead of taking the blank-paper:

say "Might as well leave it there for future users."

Check inserting something into the paper-drawer:

if the noun is the ream:

continue the action;

if the noun is the blank-paper:

continue the action;


say "Only fresh printer paper can safely go into the paper-drawer, and it must be the right size and in quantities of no more than a ream." instead.

The mailboxes are a scenery container.

Understand "mailbox" as the mailboxes.

Instead of searching the mailboxes, say "No need: it will be the usual assortment of advertisements from academic presses, copies of the campus newspaper (which are never interesting and always get discarded), memos from the dean with no informational content whatsoever, and so on."

The description of the mailboxes is "There are slots for all the professors and graduate students. Undergraduates, of course, are too insignificant to be assigned mailboxes, and are not allowed to have mail delivered to the department."